左、中、右－Richard Jeni

【Albatross: 突然想起了Richard Jeni的这段单口相声，在网上找到录像和脚本贴出来。该左？该中？该右？我不知道，Richard Jeni干脆自杀了－想得太多是会得抑郁症的。很庆幸现场看过他一次。】

As soon as you start talking about political things, that's when everybody weighs in. Yeah, everybody gets pissed off. Because a lot of people are very extreme, people are very sure about what they believe. They're on the far right, or they're on the far left of politics. If you're on the far right or the far left, you know what you've done now? You've gone too far. Because that's where you find the extremist whackos, right out there.

After that 9/11 I was so mad, I said "That's it, I'm becoming a hard-nosed, hard-assed right-wing Republican f***er." So you run all the way over to the far right side, and there they are. There's your right wing crew, a bunch of money grubbing, greenhouse gassing, seal clubbing, oil drilling, Bible thumping, missile firing, right-to-life-ing, lethal injecting hypocrites. There they are, people whose idea of a good time is strapping a dead panda to the front of a Lincoln Navigator and running over everybody in the Gay Parade.

Well, I can't deal with them. Get outta here. I'm going over here to the left side, to be with all these loony lefty liberal people. And there's the crew, a bunch of bong smoking, America bashing, flag burning, yoga posing, incense burning, dolphin saving, salmon eating hypocrites. There they are, there's the crew. These are the sensitive liberal people who are always yelling about everybody's freedom of speech and expression .... unless you happen to say something that pisses them off! Then they can't wait to tie your ass to the back bumper of a Toyota hybrid and drag you to the Berkeley campus and drop your carcass in front of the Fidel Castro Building for the Continuing Study of Why America Sucks. Lunatics!

The only place that makes sense to be is a little more moderate, in here, right? The centrist, the middle, like me, yeah .... bunch of flip flopping, fence sitting, half in ,half out, half-assed, non-voting so they can bitch no matter who wins. Those are your guys.

But the ones that annoy me slightly more than all the rest of us are the trillionaire bleeding heart liberals, people who are going to change the world if they have to spend every buck of your money to do it. The limousine liberal people. People living in a mansion with 20 rooms no one is in, they're air-conditioned. Got a pool that nobody goes in, it's heated. Flying across the country in a 20-person jet all by themselves because they don't want to be late for a speech about energy conservation. (various rude gestures).

From http://crustycrank.com/OtherStuff.htm